What Makes a Mother

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say,
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

~Author Unknown

Dr. Suess

My Many Colored Days

Some days are yellow.
Some are blue.
On different days I'm different too.
You'd be surprised how many ways
I change on Different Colored Days.
On Bright Red Days how good it feels
to be a horse and kick my heels!
On other days I'm other things.
On Bright Blue Days I flap my wings.
Some days, of course, feel sort of Brown.
Then I feel slow and low, low down.
Then comes a Yellow Day and Wheeee
I am a busy, buzzy bee.
Gray Day....Everything is gray. I watch. But nothing moves today.
Then all of a sudden I'm a circus seal! On my Orange Days that's how I feel.
Green Days. Deep deep in the sea. Cool and quite fish. That's me.
On Purple Days I'm sad. I groan. I drag my tail. I walk alone.
But when my days are Happy Pink it's great to jump and just not think.
Then come my Black Days. MAD. And loud. I howl. I growl at every cloud.
Then comes a Mixed-Up Day. And WHAM! I don't know who or what I am!
But it all turns out all right, you see. And I go back to being...me.

My good friend Kristen gave me a copy of this book on a piece of paper, I read it and I thought "man, this is so true."  Everyday is different right now, mixed up emotions.  Today has been a mixed-up day.  One minute I'm one thing and the next I'm another.  I definitely feel purple mostly. 

Caylee and I were on the way to church and I just started sobbing, Caylee yelled at me "Mommy! Turn around!"

I told her I couldn't of course, and she says "Awe, Mommy cryin'"

I said "Mommy's okay baby, she just misses baby Kyndal"

Caylee then says "Mommy, baby Kyndal with Jesus."

I'm so glad she understands and she can be a comfort to me in this situation. It may be bad that I am leaning on her for comfort at times, but she is a big huge part of my sanity.  Love on your babies.  I know I'm loving on mine, there is just one I'm having to love from a distance. 

A Pair of Shoes

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in this world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Thank you Emily, for sharing this.