Wow, It's been a while...

I've been on a crazy roller coaster of emotions lately.  One minute, everything is fine, the next, it's the end of the world.  Of course, Kyndal's 4 month anniversary, my birthday, the day I found out I was pregnant with Kyndal last year, and a new surprise. 


The whole week (12th-18th) was not the most pleasant time.

Kyndal was suppose to be 4 months old on the 12th.  Wow, 4 months.  It feels like yesterday, and an eternity all mixed into one.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or miss her, but it's an easier kind of miss. I think I'm finally understanding life without her.  I'm making it the new normal, but I would change it in an instant if I could.

My husband took me out on valentines day, which was very nice, AND, I got some gorgeous flowers.

Beautiful Flowers (and truffles)

My "CHEESE" girl

The 16th, was of course, my 25th birthday.  My mom, sisters family and cousins went out to eat with me.  We had a good time, but of course, I was sad.

The 17th... that day, was very bittersweet...

I'm still in shock.  Today is the first day I haven't taken a test to make sure I'm "still pregnant"

My first ultrasound is scheduled for March 14th and it can't get here soon enough.  I begged my OB to draw my HCG levels and everything is looking good.

The 18th, of 2011, I got this shocking news...

The news that has forever changed me as a person and a mother.  The last pregnancy I will ever enjoy, and like to talk about.  I know this pregnancy will be stressful on me and I'm sure on my husband, but I feel like, without this, part of my healing will not be complete. 

Please bear with me if I don't like to talk about being pregnant.  

I'm trying to push through this.

This has been a crazy, sad, wonderful, beautiful month.  I just hope this year is better than the last.