Thursday, December 29, 2011


I am so thankful that this month is almost over.  It's been long and the hardest yet.  I haven't been in the mood to update our blog.  I'm finally getting there I think.  I'll start with a few pictures.

Since Kyndal wasn't here to give gifts to, we decided to adopt an angel with the Salvation Army. The information is in my Thanksgiving in Heaven post here. 

Her gifts.

Honestly, this helped me, A LOT.  I'm finally able to go in the infant girls section without immediately bursting out in tears.  I still get little anxiety attacks, but they're not as bad as they use to be.  It was so much fun being able to do this.  We were able to help someone, and able to buy gifts we would have purchased for Kyndal.

And now.  A picture of Caylee and her loot.

I went thru every picture I took of her, not one smile! I can tell she's excited in some of them, but anyone else would think she was mad. Oh well!

Merry (late) Christmas everyone. 
Can't WAIT for the New Year.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Saturday, December 10, 2011



Great Ribs

I made these for Buddy as an experiment.  I just KNEW they weren't going to be very good because, how can ribs be good in a crock pot!?
They were amazing!
I didn't have any cayenne pepper so I just left it out.  They were kind of sweet, but I liked them like that.

I ended up eating a little less than half.  I was hoping Bud would eat most of it.  Ribs are fattening lol.
Click HERE for link to recipe.

On a side note.  I have been stress eating randomly.  I ate cookies tuesday and today I ate cookie dough, and NOT small portions.

I've lost 10.2 lbs but I still have more I need to get off.  If anyone has some suggestions please let me know. 

Thursday, December 8, 2011

A Beautiful News Article

Just read it. 

Maybe one day, she will protect me in more than one way.  Always find the positive.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Oh a picture.

A picture can bring on many emotions. They can make you happy, bringing back good memories, they can make you sad, wishing you could go back, they can also make you miss someone terribly.  Today was full of pictures that brought all of these emotions to the surface. Every emotion you can possibly imagine, mixed into one.  When I opened the file, I was prepared to see a baby I didn't recognize.  I thought she would look 100% different than what I remembered.  To my surprise, she seemed even more beautiful than the day I met her.

I can't explain the story the pictures tell.  They replay the whole scene, seeing and holding her for the first time, looking at her beautiful, perfect features.  They are so hard to look out without crying, but for some reason I can't stop looking. 

I don't know that I will be able to share them right now.  Maybe a few at a time.  They are so personal to me.  My friend explained it perfectly earlier.  It's like showing your most vulnerable parts to the whole world.  Like you're totally exposed. 

But for now, I will leave you with this.

I don't want the world to know when I'm weak, those moments are for God and me. 
For I know He will lift me up and bring me through my darkest valley.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9 & 10 


Friday, December 2, 2011

What Makes a Mother

What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say,
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here
He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

~Author Unknown