I went in for a routine weekly visit with my midwife on October 11, 2011. I was due on the 15th so I was a little over 39 weeks pregnant. When I got to my midwives house I weighed, got measured, etc. I laid down so we could listen to Kyndals heartbeat, she put the monitor on me and we listened... nothing. I got on my hands and knees, and we still couldn't find anything. I hadn't felt her move all day, and the more I thought about it, I hadn't felt much movement the day before. My midwife got me into her car and rushed me to the hospital. When we got there we were taken up to a L&D room and I was told to get in the bed. They put a monitor on the baby and we still couldn't find it. So they called in a tech. She turned the screen out of my sight and searched. Everyone could see but me, I was so nervous. She was so cold when I heard those words come out of her mouth "does the doctor need anything signed by me?" I can still hear her over and over. I lost it. I lost my mind. What was I going to do? How was I going to make it? My life felt over. I prayed with Buddy, my pastor and his wife. They walked me to the L&D room at the furthest end of that area so I wouldn't have to hear any babies. They took forever, we found out her heart had stopped beating at 12:15pm and they started the cervidril at about 1pm. I had nothing going on so we were starting from scratch. 4 hours and light contrations later, they checked me, I was at a 2 but still thick. They gave me another cervidril. 4 hours later they checked me again. My cervix was thin enough for them, finally, and I was still at a 2. They started pitocin at 9pm. My contractions weren't too bad.
My family came in from everywhere once they heard the news. They kept me company throughout the night. Every two hours the nurses checked me and I had progressed a cm each time until I hit a 6. By this time it was 5am and I was exhausted, So I tried to sleep. I slept for an hour an a half, even though my contrations were picking up. They checked me again at 7am I was still a 6 but my cervix was fully thinned so they broke my water. I went fast from there, but it was a lot harder to labor through it. My aunt was in there coaching me along with my sister and DH. My sister rubbed my back, and DH held my hand. At about 8 am I started hurting bad. I couldn't breathe through my contractions like I was told to. I was writhing all over the bed and saying "I can't do this", the nurse grabbed my hands and said "look at me, in 2-3, out 2-3-4" over and over through each contraction. That is honestly what got me through. I found my focus in her face and breathed. My aunt took over. They were both awesome. DH was a rock through it all. They checked me again and I was at an 8. I was so frustrated because I felt like I had labored forever with no progress, but I had gone 2 cms in one hour. This continued for another hour, They started getting everything ready. I started feeling the urge to push. I never understood that term, until then. It felt so good to push, like I was almost there. I pushed for a little while, then I felt her head crown. It was still so good to push, her head didn't bother me too bad. I got her head halfway out and my contraction ended, I had to wait. I remember telling the DR. "that hurts". I got her head out and was thinking "oh wow, much better." Then came her shoulders. I was in for a surprise. That was honestly the hardest part. I had no tearing, I truely believe it was becasue I had full control of my body. Kyndal Grace came into this world at 10:12 am on 10/12/2011. Once she was out, it was kind of bittersweet. I didn't know what to think, This is the first and last time I would ever hold my baby girl that I had carried and protected for 9 months, that I felt loving on me, that I had cherished, and waited for and loved every kick and punch from, even if it did hurt. She was to become a part of our everyday lives, she was going to be Caylees little sister, that I could watch them grow up together and fight with each other and love on each other. How was I supposed to be okay with this?
My doctor said "wow" I asked her what was going on. She was hesitant to tell me that Kyndal Grace had managed to wrap her umbilical chord around her neck 3 times. Such an active little girl. I had heard how active she was from the beginning when my MW had chased her around my stomach to find her heartbeat. DH broke down, he is such a rock. Strong, kind, encouraging. He has impressed me throughout this whole process. We have bothe been in disbelief. We waited for my placenta and once the doctor had it she examined it. She found that Kyndal had also tied a knot in her umbilical chord. Wow. It still shocks me. They cleaned my baby girl up they let me change out of my hospital gown and into a decent shirt and the photographer came in. She was amazing. DH couldn't stay and hold her. He was afraid of what it would do to him. I don't blame him, I didn't know if I could do it. They wrapped her up and put her in a beautiful hat that my friend picked up for me, and they handed her to me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, to hold my baby knowing I would never see her breathe, never hear her cry, nerver see her smile. She was so beautiful. She reminded me so much of her big sister. She was perfect in every way. I looked at her from head to toe and soaked every inch of her in, I etched her into my memory forever. I let my pastor and my amazing uncle come in and pray for me, they held her and told her how much they loved her. I spent a little more time with her, and then let her grand parents in. Her great grandma held her first, she was so upset but she just glowed with my baby girl in her arms. My mom took her next and then my mother in law. They were so sad and they love her so much. When they were done I let all my family and friends come in and say goodbye to her. The photographer stayed in for so long. I held her and held her, I needed my husband. I needed to see him and hug him and I needed my first baby girl. I handed Kyndal to the nurse with a promise I would see her again. I loved on my husband and my Caylee for a little while and then I went to the L&D room across the hall.
My mom had Kyndal in there and loved on her while I was loving on my husband. The funeral director was on his way to get her. I held her until he got there. I couldn't let her go. I kissed her head and told her how much I love her. I told the funeral guy he was going to have to take her because I couldn't give her up. I leaned on the fact that I would see her 2 days later at the viewing. He took her and I had empty arms. I went back to my room and got DH back in there. My sister kept Caylee so we could rest. We laid down and slept for a few hours. They let me go home at 5:30pm. It didn't come fast enough after Kyndal left my arms. It has been a crazy roller coaster since she left. She will always be in our hearts. I'm thankful that she will never have to face the hardships of this world, and that she has brought so much healing to our lives. I love my angel in heaven, and I can't wait to hold her again one day, and see that beautiful smile on her precious little face.