Thursday, January 5, 2012

Dear Kyndal

Dear Kyndal,
    December was so hard for me, the worst month yet.  Even though October was a horrible month, I still met you, my wonderful little girl, but I also had to say goodbye.  Now every month seems to get further and further away from you, further away from the first and last time I held you, the first and last kiss I gave you, the first and last time I saw your face. I think the holidays contributed to the horrible month, but either way, I'm so grateful it's finally over.  I've really been struggling with the fact that your not here, It's hard for me to understand.  I know the Lord has a plan for us, I just have a selfish part in me, that wants you home, that wishes you would have never left in the first place.   
    I miss you everyday, but everyday gets a little bit easier.  Life without you is tough, and I wish no mother ever had to feel this pain. 
   Your big sister talks about you a lot, when she sees your picture, she knows exactly who you are and I love it. 
    I know heaven has welcomed you with open arms, and you are having a blast with all your family and your friends, I just can't help but wish you were here with me.  I would give anything to turn back time.
    This is my first letter to you, although I know you will never read it, I feel like it's not enough to show you how much you are loved and missed.   There is so much I want to say, but I don't know how to put it all in one letter, without rambling like a crazy person.  So I will write slowly, making sure to include everything.  I hope these letters to you will help heal me in some form.  No matter what is going on, the pain is still there, I still want you home.  You will never be replaced, and you will ALWAYS be my little girl, always. 

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