Wednesday, October 19, 2011


Jessica came over Monday night and we had a long talk about everything.  She is like a second sister to me.  Healing is a process, but I feel like talking to her helped.  After she left, Buddy and I talked.  It was  nice to hear what he was feeling too.  I have so many questions, some that will never be answered.  I have to try to push those questions aside.  The funny thing is, I haven't questioned God's plan in this.  I know he has plans for our lives, and he will have his way in this.  I'm praying that I will see every little thing that comes out of Kyndals short life.  She is so special to me, and I don't know what I would do without her. 

Caylee, oh Caylee.  She is a mess. I thought it was going to be so hard to get her back to her good girl self, but it has been, oddly, easy.  I have become a different person through this in more than one way.  I am so different about how I dicipline.  I don't get as aggravated, and I don't raise my voice.  I feel like Michelle Dugger lol.  Buddy thinks I'm crazy but it seems to be working.  When Caylee asks me to do something, instead of being lazy, I get up and go play with her, color, or whatever she wants, and when I'm tired and don't want to go, she is more understanding.  I love her and I don't ever want to take her for granted.  I want to shake these parents that are so mean to their children/ungrateful for them.  I want to tell them to count their blessings.  I know I will have another little blessing one day, but for now I have one here on earth to raise, and one amazing healing angel in heaven that is laughing with all the other babies that were called home, to that place we all want to be some day.

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