Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Death Certificate

It's not a good day when you wake up to a call from a funeral home, asking you to come pick up your baby's death certificate. 

My phone rang, waking me up, I didn't answer because I didn't recognize the number.  Checked the voicemail and my day went downhill.  So I got up, did my work out and asked Kate to watch Caylee for me. 

I went by H.E.B. sobbing the whole way.  Picked up some flowers, and went to see my baby where her body will always be.  It was raining like crazy.  I haven't been by there in two weeks. TWO WEEKS. I feel like a horrible mother.  I gave her flowers and stood in the rain, watching her flowers get soaked and her fresh grave get wet.  I felt like the Lord was weeping with me, letting me know He feels my pain. 

When I left there I went to Brazos Valley Monument to look at some headstones.  I figured I was already in a sour mood, why not try to look for a headstone then.  I have an idea of what I like, I just need to run it by Buddy.  Whatever we get will have a laser print of her beautiful face. 

I left there and picked up her Death Certificate.  I guess that makes everything even MORE real.  It's never settling to see this

I miss my baby, and even though my heart is broken I know I will be with her again one day.

Thank you Kristen for this scripture.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
Psalms 34:18

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